Like many a child and adult I have enjoyed JK Rowlings books about Harry Potter and his wizarding friends. Although to me it is not all fantasy; you see I really do have some Cornish Pixies.

For those who managed to avoid the whole Potter Craze or just cant remember, Cornish Pixies are little demon type creatures that create havoc when they get loose.

I have pixies that live in a cage in my head. Most of the time I am able to keep them controlled. As long as I rest, eat properly and sleep I can find time to check the locks are secure and that they are content.

BUT

If I get so tied up in work, plans and ideas that I forget my own needs then the little critters find ways to break out and pandemonium takes over in my head. They whisper nasty things in my ear about me, that there is nobody who can help me, that I am no good and they will never ever go away until I kill myself. They find the switches in my brain that trigger anxiety and switch them on so I start getting anxious over nothing. They play with the sleep switch so I keep falling asleep in the day but cant sleep at night (They like having me awake at night, I find it harder to catch them!), they dig through my memories and find dark, nasty thoughts, then spread them across my brain so I cant ignore them and they hide the nice memories where I cant see them.

When they get loose like this catching them again can be difficult. So I have to try and catch them using various techniques and squash them back into their cage.

If I read a good book some of them may get bored and go back in the cage for a nap (Slam – got some!) If I can get some medication to bypass the sleep switch they are playing with and get a proper nights sleep I can sneak up on them and grab them whilst they are dozing. (in they go...)

Medication can also help with the anxiety and so eventually they get bored of trying to mess with switches that no longer work. (Swoop... got you!!)

My friends help to reassure me that the pixies are lying about me and so provide hoods that I can put over their heads to shut them up and get them back in the cage.

If I rest I can concentrate on rediscovering the nicer memories and start clearing away the bad ones again.

Sometimes getting them under control may take just a day. Sometimes longer and sometimes I may need some outside help but seeing the dark thoughts and feelings I have as coming from the Pixies helps me to recognise that underneath I am still there, that these are just passing thoughts that can be tackled.

Its not me it's the Pixies.

Penny

A Moodscope member.