My secret self.

Sunday October 1, 2017

Recently, I've been talking with my inner child. This is now an on-going conversation and she is starting to tell me more and more as she is becoming more confident that someone is listening to her.

I recently bought her some coloured gel pans and a beautiful notebook to write things in. Each day she and I write things down, and she chooses a sparkly butterfly sticker to add to the page.

A couple of weeks ago, we did a jigsaw puzzle together. It's the first one she's done for many years, I think since my sons were small and doing jigsaws. She hasn't done a really challenging one for at least 45 years. It was such fun and took us 3 days to complete it. (I was on holiday at the time.)

Last week I bought myself a watch as my 60th birthday present for myself. She absolutely loves it. A nice grown-up thing.

Now my inner child has told me that she would really like a kaleidoscope. I had one when I was her. It had a turning bit at the bottom so that you could move the coloured bits inside really carefully and get a whole panoply of patterns. She also fancies getting a bubble-blowing wand too. She can be whatever age she feels like with all these things. We have dogs at home, which she always wanted when she was growing up, but pets weren't allowed. She had lots of teddies and things. Perhaps we'll get another one if we see one we like.

She's just asked me how long these blogs are supposed to be. Well, I found a longish one which is 434 words. Oh, we've got plenty of space, then, she tells me.

My inner child has always been rather a self-contained little body, observing but not saying much; a bit afraid that if she opens her mouth too readily, she'll be mocked. I think she grew up too quickly, was rather friendless, and had to be self-reliant. As a result, she came a cropper in her teens and I've never really recovered from it. So she and I are working together to re-integrate and be each other's best friends.

We're going to make sure we go out each week, even if it's just for a short time. Maybe take a nature walk, go to a museum (she loves museums), go and buy some special little thing, or watch people at a café or somewhere. Maybe ride around on a bus to somewhere and explore. Who knows?

What I do know is that I feel more 'myself' for having rediscovered her.

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