My sink is full.

9 May 2018

My sink is full. The washing up has erupted out of the sink, spread all the way across the counter and broken over the hob with a small space left for making coffee. Netflix is a bad friend that keeps me occupied with mostly pap. Settlers – another bad friend that keeps me occupied. Curtains drawn. Pyjamas on.

Another CBT course this Thursday. All about stress management. Angry. Don't need that – I can sit in my pyjamas on the Sofa for days not moving except when I need to - hiding from the world.

End of CBT course. Googling it. Was originally designed for treating Low Mood and Depression. Okay. What's it really about? Behavioural activation. Posh words for something really simple. What activities make me feel rubbish. What activities make me feel better. Then start making myself do the stuff that makes me feel better. That. Now that I get.

Opening the curtains makes me feel better. I now try to make it the very first thing I do when I know I am not going back to sleep – even though it is stupid O'clock and it is dark outside - I throw the bedroom curtains open.

Exercise makes me feel better so I then get dressed into yesterday's clothes (no decisions about what I am going to wear – just what I took off yesterday). Set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes. I stomp out of the house trying to pick a new direction to go. When the alarm goes off I turn around and go home. (My daughter can walk to the leisure centre next time she wants a lift. It's only a 7 minute walk away!)

Showering and shaving off my stubble makes me feel better so when I get back from my walk I lay out my clean clothes to wear for the day and have a shower and a shave.

Talking to my friends and family also makes me feel better. I make myself call at least two every day and talk to them.

All I have wanted to do since it was stupid O'clock is make myself a cup of coffee, then get back into bed or sit on the sofa and check my email (which nearly always makes me feel rubbish). It's ALL I have wanted to do. But I open curtains, get dressed, go for a walk. I get showered and shaved, dressed into clean clothes and stand looking out of the window with a coffee in my hands.

What makes you feel better?

When is the best time for you to do it?

I force myself to wash the pots before I sit down to eat what I have cooked. Easier to wash them then. Motivated. I have food I want to eat. I will never wash them after. Not until the sea of washing up has broken over my hob again.


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