It's six years this March since my much-loved husband died of suicide, after a long and brave fight against severe mental illness. It's five years since someone who'd also lost a loved one to suicide, recommended Moodscope. A recent blog by Mary on that topic made me want to start sharing my thoughts and experiences from my perspective when my husband was alive and also since he died. In this first blog though, I wanted to write about how Moodscope helped me through my grief.

I remember taking the test for the first time the day of my husband's inquest and how it dropped from 40% to 21% the day after, as the adrenaline rush that had got me through disappeared. Looking back over that first year of Moodscope, I can see how I tracked up and down like a yo-yo from a low of 20 to a high of 100.

It wasn't that I did the score every day, as is recommended, but when I did and wrote something down, it was incredibly helpful just being able to put that thought somewhere so I could carry on with my day. I would also discuss it with my counsellor. It wasn't until 2.5 years after his death that the grief started to even out and my own peaks and dips took over, which were rarely as deep or, thankfully, as high (the day I got 100% I thought, Oh No, the only way is down).

These days I rarely do the test, but I love reading the daily emails and several Thoughts for the Day have made it onto my study wall. In the early days when Jon was doing it alone, I used to wonder how he could consistently write such prescient and interesting blogs and how he could be replaced. Bringing in a variety of writers has been a genius idea though. You all bring such different talents and ways of seeing mental illness that has enriched this website immeasurably. Thank you.

So how has Moodscope helped you?

A View From the Far Side

A Moodscope member.