This is my first attempt at writing. I've always wanted to but never had the courage. So here goes...
I'm actually a qualified therapist. I've been following Moodscope for some time, partly for professional reasons, and also for personal support. I particularly enjoy reading other people's blogs – the thoughts, perceptions and struggles are so amazingly unique and yet so common to many. I find the creative words, articles and insights a real encouragement and inspiration.
Recently I've felt overwhelmed – some issues in life have felt like huge injustices, in worldly terms, and also in personal terms, and in facing my responses to these, I've hit a real low.
I've had to face my own feelings head on – why do I struggle so much with being heard, with having a voice, with feelings of 'What's the point' and of feeling so alone? One evening, I even felt like I wanted to die. No, I wasn't really wanting to die; I just wanted the internal struggle with myself and my feelings to end – they just felt too overwhelming. I had nothing left and I felt so useless and empty.
All I could do that evening was cry. My loving husband so kindly just held me. I had no words.
I shared honestly the next day with my supervisor about where I was at, and she empathically shared how it felt like chunks were being taken out of me in some way. I broke and cried deeply again. I felt heard, emotionally held and understood, and this in turn helped to lift my mood and my heart. I've since gathered my thoughts and decided I will give myself some time to tend to my heart, put in some healthier boundaries, respect myself more, and hold my head up high. Life will go on. All will be well.
I'm being very brave in sharing this – firstly, because I struggle so much to speak up and speak out, and secondly, because as a therapist, maybe I shouldn't feel like this and expose my struggle so publicly.
However, I do this to give myself an opportunity to share my voice, to be heard in (what I perceive to be) a supportive community, and to show that therapists are human too. We all struggle with different things at different times of life.
What I love about Moodscope is - it's 'Ok' to be real and it's ok to be honest. And there are others that care. It's comforting to know that I am never alone.
Thank you for all being there.
A Moodscope member.
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