New Year’s Resolution

Saturday January 1, 2022

Today on what would have been my dad’s 82nd birthday I stop drinking. Which is ironic, because he loved wine. A red Burgundy. A Pommard. Special occasions called for a Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Most evenings you could find him and his wife sitting by the fire with wine, reminiscing, after a glass or two calling one of us to tell us to come visit, hey don’t worry about the cost, they’ll pay for it, so happy to hear things are going well, etc. Comfort.

This was not the home I grew up in. I remember fighting. Overturned tables. Cars screeching off into the night. Hospitalizations. Ironically there was no alcohol then. I loved the comfort my dad’s new wife brought to our lives. Their home was full of good meals, trips up and down the coast, music, laughter. When my dad had a quintuple bypass the doctor said his heart was so strong it was able to pump blood even though 95% of his arteries were blocked. “It must be all the red wine you’re drinking” he joked. We laughed. Comfort.

Every evening I open a bottle of wine. A fruity pinot noir, a buttery chardonnay, alone or with friends, watching the news or Netflix, always with a glass in my hand. Comfort.

I drink every day. I drink more than my friends. I drink more than is deemed healthy for a woman my age, hell probably anyone at any age. I had blood work done earlier this year and it came back with anomalies. Anaemia. High cholesterol. I was once a healthy runner but my weight has steadily creeped up. I am in menopause now so I don’t expect to get that body back, but I am not doing myself any favors: it’s hard to work out when you’re hung over. I drink right up until I fall asleep and then wake up with a dry throat and headache and shame. Oh, and I take medication for bipolar.

There are many things I hope will happen if I stop drinking. I have a daughter; I want her to remember me not always with a wine glass in my hand. I will lose the weight and sleep better and I won’t need to take naps during the day and cancel things because I feel tired, always so tired... Saving a few bucks would be nice too: buying a half case of wine each week adds up. With all the negatives that I can rattle off as easily as popping a cork then why do I continue to drink? Comfort. How will I handle the sadness and the loneliness that creeps in at the end of the day? I don’t know how I will fill the evening hours. I need to figure it out because I don’t want to wait until I have liver disease or that my anaemia requires a transfusion.

Today is my dad’s birthday. I don’t have him anymore for comfort. I need to figure out a new way forward.


A Moodscope Member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 64 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.