One for the men out there.

7 Mar 2014

I'm pretty sure I’m announcing nothing new when I say that many of us men are often foolish enough to want to tough out, ignore or play down pain, whether it’s physical or mental.

Now I’ve been blessed with a certain amount of intelligence, but clearly not enough to recognise the degree to which I was falling out of sync with ‘normal’ life and stop the downward spiral of depression that’s gripped me in recent years.

I’ve done everything I can to avoid anti-depressants for no other reason than I saw it as failing.

In place of taking a little pill I did a lot of things to try and make me feel better – therapy, mindfulness (good) drink, smoke, gamble (not good).

It really hit me in early January, kayaking in the breathtaking Waikato river, with the woman I loved and had not seen for over a year. The beauty, passion, humour and excitement of being together was ebbing away. What was obvious to others suddenly became crystal clear to me, I was desperately unhappy.

I was barely recognisable from the person I vaguely remembered as me. In not wanting others to worry, I’d stopped caring for myself. And in not caring for myself, I’d made others worry.

All because I was too stubborn to ask for help.

It’s now March and what a difference. The misery, self-pity and introspection is fast receding. I am on a low dose of anti-depressant and with the good habits and Moodscope, of course, slowly but surely I’m returning to me.

From sleep-walking through life it’s as if someone has opened all the windows and let in the sights, sounds and smells of spring. My humour is returning as is a calm confidence. Relationships all round are on the up. I see more and more of me in me. And I like it.

So if you’re reading this, and recognise the part of you that doesn’t want to rely on others for help please do yourself a huge favour, swallow that pride and let them. There’s no better time of year.


A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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