I am looking down the barrel. You may have done the same on more than one occasion. The lesser of two evils.

I viewed a very similar barrel 15 years ago. It was a major event in my life and I remember the details very well.

The journey to today’s barrel has taken about 18 months after I made an appointment to see my consultant cardiac surgeon. My breathlessness and fatigue seemed to be increasing. After tests he tweaked my meds and the symptoms receded. 

Follow up visits were arranged, the last one being at the end of the third week in January. My symptoms had worsened considerably. After a brief physical examination he uttered those immortal words ”re-operation”. As I write, his final decision is subject to the results of one further investigative test but he seemed fairly certain. The only alternative seems to be to accept the status quo. Not a pleasant prospect as my quality of life is pretty low. 

Why I am I telling you all this? Because the proposed surgery has mental health consequences. My mind remembers the events of 15 years ago and wants to prepare for the forthcoming trauma. 

I realised I needed to prepare for the forthcoming months. So I began to write some notes about how I was going to manage my mental health. I soon realised that ‘acceptance’ would play a huge part in any plans. 

I wrote about my need to accept:

1 Limitations on my physical abilities. Breathlessness and fatigue are very much part of my daily routine. Regular short and longer breaks will be necessary. Do not feel guilty even when others have contrary opinions.

2 Heart surgery could be a few months hence followed by a period of convalescence. Patience is a virtue.

3 Meeting others will continue to be limited. Hopefully I will be able to start visiting the bowling green from mid March even if actual bowling is not possible. 

These three paragraphs plus a few other notes constitute my ‘Acceptance’ mental health statement for the next few months.

We have discussed the subject of ‘acceptance’ many times before and it has been well researched. One advocate of this approach is Tchiki Davis who founded the Berkeley Well Being clinic. She is of the opinion that one of the key ideas underlying acceptance is that  difficult emotions are an inescapable part of life: at different times of life we find ourselves sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, heartbroken etc. When these emotions inevitably arise, there are two ways that we can react: resistance or acceptance. For many of us, resistance is our default reaction. But psychologists have found that trying to resist or avoid certain difficult experiences can cause further psychological harm. Acceptance is the healthier option. Experts suggest we continue being aware of its need and to keep putting it into practice.

Teg

A Moodscope member