Our big emotions.

2 May 2018

I am not good with big emotions; either my own or other peoples. In childhood I suppose I learned that to be acceptable to my family and friends I had to hide my sensitive side and get on with being 'okay'. That made everyone else happy so that is what I did.

Currently I am surrounded by big emotions and struggling to let myself and others feel them - my anxiety and need to be in control are sky rocketing.

I have a new baby and a three year old who feels everything big (as toddlers do). I worry about passing my anxieties on to them and am being forced to learn to let them feel things no matter how hard I find it - it is really not about me after all. I will admit to being bad at this, often I am trying to parent from an emotional place and, big surprise, finding that no one gets what they need. I want to parent from a place of peace and confidence - I wish I knew how to find that place.

Also, my mum is currently in a hospice, she is not likely to return home and I know we do not have much time left. Along with my siblings, I am trying to find a balance between being strong, reassuring, loving and sad. Again, giving other people the space to feel their big feelings without trying to 'help' is a challenge. I would rather bare misery myself than to ever see my sister cry but that would not help her (or me) so I have to be okay seeing her pain - it is hers and I have no right to minimise it even with the best of intentions. We have to figure out how to help each other, I have to learn to ask for and accept help or the emotional crash when all the 'doing' is done and real life resumes will be huge.

I know I have to find a new approach to my feelings, I have developed some very unhealthy practices in recent years as coping mechanisms which are now under the microscope and are also no longer effective. I hide, I withdraw and I say 'I'm fine' when I am not.

I find change hard but change is the only option now. Life is changing whether I go with it or fight it - I'd rather go gently but it's not really my nature.

How can you change a habit which has become part of your identity?


A moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!


Login or Sign Up to Comment and Read Comments