Paintbrush down

Saturday August 3, 2019

Today I let a friendship go. In hindsight, it was over due. Being a bit of a "hope-junkie," or wishful thinker, I extended the course of this ill fated relationship. All the spectrum of an abuser was present, but maybe they were not having a good day I said to myself. Several times.

Growing up, counting on caustic, acrimonious adults for your survival still makes it a foreign concept to punt someone for their mistreatment. Maybe some good could be derived from this contact. Of course there were positives. Better the slap of a friend than the kiss of an enemy, the Bible says.

You can't talk about him anymore she said. Because I don't like to hear it. It only brings ME down. Yet she had asked how the court case was going.

It had happened before. Share what benefits ME. Let ME turn this into something about ME. You should handle life like I DO. You are so negative. You should not be like that. Blah blah etc.

Well today the child inside me stood up. Enough is enough. I deserve better and I won't accept less.

"Oh" she said. But it's just that you are like a daughter to me and you are so beautiful and it pains me to see you like this.

It pained me to be batted around like an emotional pinball, one day a topic was alright to discuss. The next day it was not, even as an answer to a question. Typical abuser I said to myself. Bait and switch. Shame and blame. Then the sweet talk. Manipulation.
A wise individual once said;" Once someone shows you their true colors don't try to repaint them."

Essentially, I am looking for a friend whose flaws and strengths compliment mine and vice versa. Authenticity and acceptance both need apply.

The list of friends has been shrinking, not growing as I grow older. I had imagined gathering social-circle momentum as life rolled me downhill. Instead it is becoming more evident that less is more. Less social contacts mean I tolerate less negatives and the ones I keep are more precious. And I can live with that.

A Moodscope member.

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