Pattern matching part 3.

5 Oct 2013

I gained access to an email account I've not used for over 3 years yesterday (I'd lost my password). I found what I needed soon enough, but I went snooping around in past messages. I read a message I'd received in 2007.

Within seconds I could feel my energy changing, the life draining out of me, the flooding with upset emotions, the thoughts about how useless I was at handling that situation back then. The past came in to rule my present. I felt overwhelmed. My physiological, emotional and thinking states were altered. It affected me all day, disturbed my sleep last night and lingers somewhat today.

But, if I trace it back, I know enough to know that opening access to that email account was a high risk strategy. If I was 'mindful' enough I would have known, as I should do, that looking at old messages was fraught with danger. I 'could' have chosen differently and closed out of the programme once I found the thing I was looking for.

There's nothing I can now do about something that happened 6 years ago involving someone I've not seen for years. My life is being lived in the present. I need to learn from the experience.

In the past I would try to eat and drink my way out of the discomfort. Now, I walk. Today, I'll try to live more mindfully. Is this easy? Of course not. But, really, is there anything else to do?

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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