The literal meaning of the title is a fear of light. It applies to those who have an abnormal reaction to sunshine or even just daylight.

I have an abnormal reaction to having my photo taken, which amounts to a phobia.

I would probably have been like this anyway, being inclined from an early age to be very self-critical about my appearance. It did not help that I had an older brother who was obsessed with photography. He took his role of chief tormentor of younger sister very seriously. His speciality was ‘candid’ photography. He would catch me pulling a face, eating some messy food, in bed ill with a stomach bug. As I got older he would sneak up on me when I had a mud mask on, hair in curlers or gurning as I stuck on false eyelashes.

I never had to wait long to see these horrors, he had his own dark room at home. When I recoiled in shock he would shrug "Sorry, but the camera never lies".

These days there is an obsession for recording the most mundane things. It must be 20 years since we were in Barcelona, giggling in disbelief as some young Japanese tourists took photos of their paella, cake and coffee. It was not long before the craze came to our own town. I really don't get it. I have a very acute memory, and can recall events and people without needing a photo. Smartphones are everywhere, so there's no escaping. People look amazed when I say take a photo of me if you must, just don't send it to me unless you really hate me. Years ago a young man was openly taking photos of me in a restaurant. I frowned at him, but he took no notice. Today I would march over to him and complain to the staff. 

I do understand that others get much pleasure from looking at old photos. There are very few of me in circulation, usually because once I get my hands on them they do a vanishing act. How is it that, even with my dysmorphic leanings, I can look in the mirror and think I look reasonably O.K. then a photo is taken that will have me feeling deflated? My brother's words come back to me "The camera never lies".

Next week we are having lunch with an old friend from way back. I know she likes looking back at photos, so I am going to do something I have never done before, because it will please her, and my stupid vanity can take a back seat. I am going to ask the waiter to take a picture of the three of us. However, I will not be taking  photos of my tiramisu.

Val

A Moodscope member