As a recently qualified counsellor, the journey to which has at times been a rocky road of personal discovery and enlightenment, I have learnt how my past has shaped some of my behaviour patterns, some positive others negative.
This has lead me to take some time out of practice to face some of my own shadows and demons through personal therapy.
I learnt that my need for perfection in all that I do stemmed from anything I achieved was never good enough which lead to low self esteem and feelings of not being good enough. This manifested itself in me trying to be the prefect mum, daughter, wife, being all things to all people. Continually being the resucer which I had done from an early age and, at times, being the adult with my parents. Made to be older in mind than my peers resulting in alienation and bullying.
I was a people pleaser. Everyone was happy with my role, the word 'No' was never in my vocabulary.
I began to make small changes, firstly by learning to say 'No'. I looked at who and why I was doing things for and whether it was making me happy. The biggest lesson I learnt was to remember to tend my own garden, because without that I can't help others tend to theirs - also that I can control who comes through my gate and when.
Some have accepted the new me, others have fallen by the way side. But I often have to check myself as occasionally I slip back. And how can I preach to clients the importance of self-care if I don't practice myself. I agree with them when they say it's hard. And in some cases I will share part of my struggle and that I too sometimes forget to take time for me.
But the important thing is these days I don't beat myself up about it. I just turn to a fresh page and start again, because every day is a new being.
A Moodscope member.
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