"Fascinating!" says Mr Spock on the bridge of the USS Enterprise – suppressing an emotional reaction in order to apply cool logic to the danger facing the crew. By choosing to be 'fascinated' rather than frustrated, Spock stays open to options that would otherwise be shut down by emotional panic. Spock saves the day.

I am not Spock.

Three straight weeks of physical and then financial set-backs, crowned with a car accident, have pushed my relationships past breaking point, driven my bank to distraction, and moved some unpleasant clients to the verge of legal action. Fascinating, indeed!

I'm not whinging but I am thinking... "What can we do when our brains have got to brain-freeze point, and our stress-response is so poor that we are physically shaking?"

I'd love to hear about your strategies, and until you are in a position to share, let me confide in you. I have done two things. Firstly, I have pressed [Pause].

I've stopped everything. Friday and Saturday are the lady of the house's day off. I should be spending those days with her – after all, she's kept me alive for the last couple of years. Instead, I've kept working, thinking I can 'work' this mess out. If I hadn't worked today (written on Friday, 29th of June), I wouldn't have crashed the car. Trust me, any income from today is far outweighed by the cost of the repairs to come. Thus pressing [Pause] has allowed me to reflect on the cost of constantly violating my own principles.

Will I ever get to a point where I can honestly live the truth: "To thine own self be true"?

Secondly, I've decided to press another key combination: [Shift] + [Delete]. Don't EVER do this on your computer (and yes, I know I've blogged on both concepts before). When you press [Shift] + [Delete] on a Windows machine, you will lose FOREVER the file you've applied it to. There is no recovery. There is no coming back from this. I'm about to do this to people.

So, I have to reflect on my business, personal, and church relationships and wonder whether it is time to press [Shift] + [Delete] – to realise that few of these connections are giving me energy and, in fact, most, as an introvert, drain me. I've slid right down to the bottom of the pyramid of Maslow's hierarchy of needs – (from the heights of 'Self-Actualisation' through 'Self Esteem' – lost that – down through 'Love and Belonging' – something I don't feel from anyone at the moment – to the more essential levels of 'Safety' and 'Physiological' needs.) I am stripped back to the basics: food, shelter, clothing... and this may be a very good thing.

How can this be a good thing? Well, because Life just ain't working. I've stared suicide in the face, and, for now, have said, "No!" Something else will have to change. Beginning with my work, my relationships, and my church seems an obvious place to start... Listen for the keystrokes: [Shift] + [Delete], and know that I'll let you know how I get on!

Lex

A Moodscope member.

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