I realised my mind was becoming busy not in a good way. 'You're ugly, 'No-one likes you', 'You have no friends'. This peaked when I invited friends to celebrate my birthday and they didn't instantly respond!

So what did I do? I texted my Mum who pointed out that people are busy, and I should be patient. All but one replied later to say how much they wanted to come!

I actually told myself this was my worst inner critic having a field day! 'Don't listen and ignore it', 'you have loads of friends'. I scrolled through my photos for the last six months and realised how many good things I had done with friends: Walks in the Shropshire hills with a dear friend from Merseyside, more walks with another old school friend and coffees out with others.

There is no doubt that I have been battling my inner demons for a fortnight. Coupled with a very demanding job, It's not easy to manage the self criticism and paranoia. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your view, I have lived with depression for over 30 years. This has enabled me to see that what is happening is not right or helpful, but it is a symptom of my illness, which raise its head when I am stressed or tired or both.

I'm still here. I'm still telling myself that I am good enough, that I am resilient and that I need a break just like everyone else. 

So if you too find yourself being too harsh or questioning your every action, check whether that is you speaking, a kind voice that is concerned about your well-being, 

or a critical voice, which does nothing to help you.

For now, despite challenges, I'm telling that critical voice to take a running jump. It's still there, but it's not going to win.

If your inner voice today is critical, stop yourself and ask do you like this voice?  If you don't, tell it so and then  step back, take a breath and wait for that better kinder, inner voice to surface.

BrumMum

A Moodscope member