A friend was executor of her late husband's will recently. They had divorced in the past, then remarried at his urging, only to separate again due to his philandering. They remained friends. He was a charismatic man, very successful in his profession and a published scholar. Going through his possessions she found he had written his biography several years before.

It was well-written and very interesting, she enjoyed it until he reached the period just before the divorce. What had actually happened was yet another of his mistresses had phoned her, crying and asking for sympathy! He came home to find his cases packed, she told him she wanted a divorce. He left, and she got back from work the next day to find he had taken many jointly owned items, including valuable antiques and heirlooms from her side of the family. Neighbours confirmed he waited round the corner with a large van and men to help.

His version was that he came home from work to find his wife had inexplicably gone quite insane, hurled all his clothes out the window, and changed the locks. It had been a terrible shock, having had a blissfully happy marriage up to then. She could not imagine how he could have twisted the facts. My explanation was that he had lied about it so often to others that he came to actually believe the story himself. My father and ex were skilled at rewriting the past, I bet they actually believed the sanitised version of themselves.

It makes me wonder how much we can trust our memories. Can this happen to even the most honest open person?

Spock is not one to make up things to impress others. I met enough men in my youth who had played with Eric Clapton, trialled for Manchester United etc. to recognise the type.

His time in the navy was on an anti-submarine helicopter carrier. In 1978 the Iranian Revolution was in full flow. His ship was sent to fly the flag in the Med, and just a few miles away there was a fleet of 20 or more Russian ships lined up off Libya. He went into the hangar, and was met with a helicopter carrying a nuclear depth charge, surrounded by armed Marines who bawled at him to get out.

He dashed back to the mess and relayed this to his horrified colleagues. Next thing he and other less senior officers were on restricted access for 48 nerve-wracking hours and told nothing. He recounted this soon after we met.

A couple of years ago something shifted in his brain, and he instantly recalled what had actually happened. Everything was as described, except he was not the man who walked into the hangar. It was another sailor, who told Spock and other shocked shipmates. He said he had enjoyed relating the true story over the years, and cannot remember when or why he tweaked the details to put himself in a new role. He totally felt the new version was true.

It got me thinking, I felt embarrassed that I had possibly lied to myself and others about the past, probably to avoid facing up to some uncomfortable truths. What do you think?

Val

A Moodscope member