Have you ever felt relegated (to a lower league) from friends, either wittingly or unwittingly? I know there are many more important things to be focused on right now but this is something I do need some advice on. Hypersensitivity can be a super power when properly applied (especially in a career and when you need to work sensitively with people as I do) but when you are fully an adult and feel like you are being passed over for more “shiny” people it can hurt on a social level.

We have some friends that we spent the last three years at New Year's Eve and whom we met originally at a get together in the pub and whom we've spent quite a bit of time with regularly since then. This year was different. We discovered they sitting with others in a band that the guy is in, and we weren't invited – someone else in the band had organised it but it would have been nice to be asked. We have supported them at every gig we can and have been in the audience cheering them on. We ended up inviting another set of friends (who they get on with) on NYE so had kind of assumed we might sit in a group, but nothing was discussed and we found out latterly. We would have been on our own at a table not near them if our other friends hadn't come. A few weeks ago, my husband had said to the guy that we were going to an event, but he said he didn't know any of the line-up and it would be too cold. It turns out that they have got tickets and once again, are all going with the band and again, we found this out.

We used to meet with them regularly, most Sunday evenings and they were recently at my husband's birthday dinner, with other friends – we'd invited them and picked them up and dropped them off. We haven't been to the particular pub that we went to for a few weeks. I've been busy doing other stuff, some sad things have happened and my husband has been either busy with our house and now is laid up with some health issues. A few weeks ago I was really down and this lasted for longer than a week and unfortunately co-incided with something that (again) made me feel sidelined (this was with this particular band).

I am getting tired of second-guessing myself and going over if I am over-reacting. I have two jobs that involve people contact and caring, so out of work, I like an uncomplicated life with straightforward friends. These friends invited us for dinner twice and I knew I had to have them back (and wanted to) but our house has had to have a lot of work done to it so instead we would have meals out.

Have you ever had this issue and how did you deal with it? I can feel myself pulling back already but can you actually acknowledge your feelings as valid. My husband feels exactly the same as me.

Liz

A Moodscope member