Learning how to reshape a problem is a very valuable skill to have. Not only does it help with problem solving but it can also help you to move on from a bad situation if you accept the new shape or definition.

This is how a colleague helped me to move on from a very bleak place just by reshaping it. In my eyes the company I worked for was taking advantage of my fear of being made redundant to force me to accept a new job at another part of the company which was further away and for much less money. The HR person threatened me that if I didn’t accept the new contract I would be made redundant.

Reluctantly I took the new position and signed the new contract but annotated my signature with “signed under duress”. I had no idea what good it would do but it made me feel slightly less aggrieved.

I started in my new role but began to feel more and more resentful of the way I had been treated, especially as my new boss had no people management experience and had no idea how to cope with me. My resentment just kept on growing and it was beginning to destroy me. I couldn’t sleep properly; I became increasingly moody and irritable. Life wasn’t fun anymore. I wasn’t the same person anymore.

A colleague from my old location kept in touch and noticed the change in me and told me I needed to view my situation from a different angle. In his mind, the company had done what it could to keep a valuable employee within the company. And as I was a highly skilled individual it wouldn’t take me too long to get back to where I was before. He also warned me if I couldn’t change my view then things would never get better. I needed to look forward and move forward, not wallow in self-pity or fret about what I had lost.

Eventually I took on board what he said and even though I didn’t believe his description of how the company had behaved I accepted it.

It took almost 2 years to get my old grade back and almost 5 years to get back to the same basic salary. I would never regain my car allowance because the rules had changed - but you can’t win them all.

I haven’t forgotten the shabby way I was treated but it no longer eats me up or threatens to destroy my sanity.

So if something is eating away at you, try to find another way of looking at it. If you can‘t find this revised view, get some help from a friend, a colleague, or a counsellor. Once you can accept the new positive view (even if you don’t believe it) you might be able to move on.

It worked for me.

Valerie

A Moodscope member.