Room 101

Saturday March 2, 2019

My partner Spock and I sometimes play word games to pass the time on long walks. You know the sort, 20 Questions, Dessert Island Discs, Kiss Marry Kill (warning, if playing this with your other half, the relationship may never be the same again. I should not have included Bambi).

Another favourite is Room 101. Many of you will have watched the TV show, based on 1984. Room 101 is where all the terrible stuff is. You don't have to wish harm on the subject, if it is a living being. For instance, wasps are on my list, but I never harm one. I just wish they were never created.

When it comes to things that should be abolished, Victor Meldrew has nothing on me. Spock on the other hand does this silly Buddhist moral high ground thing. Rise above it, don't get het up, blah blah. I remind him of that next time he's shouting "What's this w****r playing at!" at another motorist.

Here's my basic list:

Wasps nests.

Sticking plasters. Useless, fiddly, fall off.

Adverts and trailers on TV and in cinema. The latter just gets worse, you think you'll wait outside, but they're still running when you take your seat - 30 minutes last time!

Other people's bottoms. I have one of my own thank you. I avoid looking at it, so I certainly don't want to see yours. At one time seen only on building sites, now they are everywhere.

People who clean up after their dogs, then leave the plastic bag on a hedge. Do they think there is a dog poo fairy who will come along and take it away?

Fly-tippers/litter louts. Bring backs the stocks.

Coffee shops. Great for a chat, but has anyone ever had a decent cup of coffee in one.

Designer dogs. This includes Crufts. Don't get me started.

Female celebrities who look 30 years younger, claim it's all down to yoga and celery juice.

Nuisance calls.

Narcissists. They're everywhere. Is it some kind of gene mutation?

Tattoos above the collar bone.

On top of this, there are others more topical.

Teeth. I forgot to use my little brush for just two miserable days. Now I have swollen bleeding gums. Thank you.

Parents who allow children to run amok in public. We arrived at a restaurant to find our table overrun by kids. Toys, food, chairs knocked over. Their parents did much sighing and eye rolling when we politely asked them to move the little darlings. They spent the evening running round screaming.

A woman with feral children was asked to leave the dog rescue kennels, after they released and tormented dogs. "My children are your future" she told me. My response was "May God help us all"

All politics and politicians, all parties, all nations. It's not funny any more.

So Moodscopers, what gets your goat? Don't be coy, we know you harbour some very strong dislikes. Unburden yourself, you'll feel better for it.

A Moodscope member

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