Hello there fellow Moodscopers. Can’t sleep been tossing and turning. Now nearly 5am and decided to ask your opinion on an issue.

Never really got on with my sister, Dad brought us up differently as she was his princess. I would be blamed for all her wrong in his eyes. He died 18 months ago and she still acts like his princess. I get that she has issues of her own which I don’t want to go into here and they are hers but I have made allowances for them.

My Mum was in tears yesterday. She told me that my sister had called her the worst Mum and Nan in the world for not spending time with them. I was stunned. That is so not true. If anything my sister “uses” her. She said that Mum spends far too much time with me - Mum is one of my paid carers. My sister has for some time tried to exclude me from family time so this is just another try.

I felt bullied by all this so started to google it and it came up with the term “sibling abuse”. I was amazed at the way this fitted the situation with the emotional abuse such as belittling, criticising, manipulating, undermining relationships and trying to isolate etc.

The problem is it suggests the solution is cutting ties. The other option is boundaries. I have been doing a little of this. When she starts shouting I hang up the phone or walk away. I cannot completely cut ties as I have a wonderful niece and nephew who I have a great relationship with. What hurts is that my relationships with them and the closeness I have formed with Mum since Dad died she is trying to destroy. I feel like there will be nothing left. Lockdown taught me how important relationships are. Mum even said today that she loves our relationship too. We both live alone and once we shut the door that’s it. My niece is the same when she goes back Uni. My sister does not understand that.

The suggestion is to have a frank conversation with the sibling but there is no having a conversation with my sister. Not one I would relish trying but I would try.

I feel it is a learned behaviour from my Dad and she has continued it after his death. Having seen him treat me this way, I suppose feels it is OK and so will carry on unless I intervene and prevent it.

Any advice fellow Moodscoopers would be gratefully received.

Ruth

A Moodscope member