Today I looked at myself with a new set of eyes... well not new exactly, they're the ones I was born with but I saw something different through them today.
The extra pounds creeping on over the years haven't gone unnoticed, the wrinkles forming, the achey bits that didn't used to ache and I've bemoaned the fact that "I'm not what I used to be" more than once but then I saw it...
I am wonderful, there I said it. Not wonderful in a conceited way but because I've overcome so much; a breakdown and learning to live with all that brings, a stroke and consequent physical reminders that crop up when I'm overdoing it! I've lived with [often] crippling asthma, had to undergo regular steroid courses including one continual two year course resulting in 4 stone weight gain and bloating so I could hardly see though my eyes, I've been a long term carer for my 2 wonderful parents and then worked through surviving a broken heart after losing them both within 7 short months of each other, and undergone surgical procedures. I've held down more jobs at once than I care to count, looked after my animal family throughout and all whilst trying to be a good friend, wife and person (whatever 'good' means)
It's true I'm heavier than I should be, slower than I'd like to be and not as pleasing on the eye as I used to be but I've overcome so much I am at last proud of who I've become. The changes are just my little battle scars; my body's way of reminding me just how far I've come. The emotional blips I have to deal with are only like the scars of my physical body, but I have at long last accepted that I do need to be kinder to myself emotionally in the same way I would wear a bandage for a sprained knee or splints for my carpal tunnel. It's no different and I'm no longer ashamed of the fact that there are times I find things emotionally difficult. I now own my emotional wellbeing equally alongside my physical wellbeing.
In the past I'd be happy for people to see my broken leg and yet ashamed of the fact that some days I'd cry for most of it; often without even knowing why – but not having to know why is also part of the acceptance; if I need time out I no longer require a reason from myself.
The saying goes: "If ifs and buts were chocolate and nuts – every day would be Christmas."
Well I just made myself giggle by making this one up "If shoulds and coulds were flowers and buds – everyone's life would be a garden."
So take care of yourself - inside and out, and remember – you're the best you've ever been... because it's life's experiences that have made you the wonderful person you are today x
A Moodscope member.