I had a blog germinating in my brain, to be called 'Emerging from the chrysalis'. That was a couple of days ago, and then I did not think I was ready. A lot of you perforce know my story. Briefly, five years living with my husband's Alzheimer's, his death, two houses, and no money. All these are regarded as top 'stress' producers. But, I thought, I've survived, time to live again. I would not have emerged from the 'chrysalis' as a beautiful butterfly, but as a rather dull and dusty moth who could not care what it looked like.

That blog idea was on a day of 'success'. Workmen finished, shop much admired, 10 window boxes installed, also much admired (lovely from inside the rooms as well), terrace flowers flourishing, ditto 'annexed' garden, iris in particular. So why slithering down a metaphorical snake? Daunted. 15 days without rain, lovely sun, desiccating winds and it dawned that I have got myself a physically exhausting watering job.

Then I am full of wondrous ideas for my shop, but it needs energy, enterprise, research and getting help. Which provoked: 'Am I any longer capable of galvanising people into action? I get tired very quickly; can I present a cheerful face to those who take up my offer? If I don't put my shop to use as a 'talking shop' what on earth am I going to do with it?'

Another potential 'snake' did not turn out as expected. I'd mentioned a friend, leaving for UK, stayed with me for 10 days. She'd always visited on her own. Her husband had been here previously for two long parties and had not spoken to me. His wife said he was addicted to TV, and was not 'social'. He also, according to her, has Alzheimer's. So I hoped we'd cope with 10 days. She said they never had 'regular' meals (she was always out). We had a big social life during their visit, and I love cooking. He was a revelation! Fed interesting food, fair amount of wine, he blossomed, and turned out to be very interesting. He started to chat to me in the office, and she yelled for him – others now say she is very possessive, but treats him as a dim child. As I say, it was a revelation.

Then, a phone call yesterday brought me 'out'. A school friend of my second son, a delightful 'boy', known him 35 years, not met for 25. He and his wife are coming for the afternoon Friday. He says it does not sound as though I have changed! So furious activity, up that long ladder, he is a creative furniture designer, and I want to show them both my new 'creativity'. A recent blog talked of 'light bulb' moments. Can you pin-point when something was exciting enough to jolt you out of the doldrums?

The Gardener

A Moodscope member.