There are so many reasons not to post to the Moodscope blog. Several times in the past I have felt inclined to do so but convinced myself that I have nothing worthwhile to say; that I am not a good enough writer; that I might cause upset or offence; that I can’t really help anyone in any case.
Recently I received one of Caroline’s periodic emails asking for submissions and the process of negative self-doubt began again. However, here I am: walking the dog through the woods on a cold, bright winter morning, dictating this as I go. Whether I send it or not remains to be seen…
We all come from different backgrounds, live in different countries and have had different experiences. One thing we have in common is that we all have, or have had, issues with mental health. My experiences will be different from yours but we can (and do) still show empathy and compassion for each other.
I am a “glass half empty” thinker by nature. I almost always think of reasons that something can’t or shouldn’t be done. Sometimes I am right but more often I am wrong. My wife and I have started joking about this: when packing for holiday I am convinced that we are taking too much stuff. Now my wife will pre-empt me by saying, “We’ll never fit it all in!”
In a strange way this reframes the issue for me: it becomes a challenge, a puzzle. How can I pack so as to get everything in? And even if I was correct and things have to be taken out and left behind, so what? It’s not life threatening!
Why do I do this? Why would I prefer not to do something rather than try it and see? I think it is a fear of failure. If I am not very sure that I can succeed, I would prefer not to play the game.
The fallacy in my thinking is that without failure we do not learn. We miss out on opportunities. We restrict our lives and make them smaller than they could be. We do not allow ourselves to be fully ourselves.
I wish I could say or do something in this post to make you (us) all better but I can’t. I have to accept that. However, if, like me, it helps even a little bit at least to know that there is a community of ‘Moodscopers’ out there who “get it” then that’s worthwhile.
Now - shall I press the send key?
A Moodscope member.
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