Friday August 7, 2015

My name is Leah and I am a compulsive apologiser.

If people bump into me, I say sorry, if I bump into furniture I say sorry. If something goes wrong whether it is my fault or not, I say sorry. If someone drops something I say sorry. When people are upset with me, I say sorry even if it wasn't my fault. When people tell me I say sorry way too much, I say sorry.

The lower my mood the more I apologise. When I feel down I feel I have to apologise for everything, but even in a good mood I still seem to say sorry all the time. I have tried so hard not to, but the words just seem to come out automatically.

The funny thing is when I hear others always apologising I can see how annoying it can be yet I can't seem to stop myself.

I am not shy and am reasonably assertive yet I have this compulsive need to take responsibility for any disagreement. I am sorry if I am making things difficult for you, I am sorry if I did something to upset you even if it was an accident. So much to be sorry for, so little time.

I think at the core of it all, is I really want everyone to be happy and everyone to like me. I hate conflict and I try to avoid it all costs even if it means aplogising when I know I did nothing wrong. If saying sorry makes people happy again I will do it.

By now you are either nodding your head in agreement as you recognise yourself or sighing with exasperation because you know of a friend or loved one who has similar traits.

To change, one has to acknowledge what the problem is and I am doing this. I have tried to limit myself to five sorry's a day but it is so difficult. Some days I have used up four sorry's just saying sorry for uttering the first one!

Of course once I have said sorry I realise it was mostly not necessary. So I am aware of what I am doing. The hard part is changing the behaviour. Now if only there was a category in the Guinness Book of Records for saying sorry.

There are times when saying sorry is required, but I am not talking about those times.

I hope I haven't wasted your time. Sorry. Oops - You see I have a long way to go - any ideas to help?

A Moodscope member.


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