I love that old-fashioned phrase. Sorting out the wheat from the chaff. I think this is what lockdown has forced me to do. Without any social engagements I am seeing who I matter to in the interim. An email here, a text there, a What's App (either on a group or solely) or a messenger message, or Facebook. I came off Facebook for a week. Wondered what it might be like. I kind of liked it. No staged photos. No posing. No “Oh look at me, don't look at me, give me attention but I don't really want it”.
I huffed and I puffed the night before coming off Facebook, royally irritated by a “friend” garnering tons of attention about herself, the sort I have unfollowed but that remains on my list as we were introduced by a mutual friend because he was trying to be helpful. I didn't miss it. I un-apped it from my phone to avoid distraction and addiction (because, like tattoos, it is addictive, I know this as I have four and planning no 5 and 6 as soon as lockdown is properly over. It could be a long while.
I seem to have spent quite a bit of my time on the wrong people. Stressing over why they seem to have excluded me from invites. One friend does a special thing in her house each Christmas – an amazing art/snow scene and this is the third time I have dropped subtle hints. I realise she just doesn't want me there. I will never be invited in to the house. But she's hinted that I must come round before. I know other people have. It's hurtful as we get on but there you go.
This time, which forces us to look at more uncomfortable aspects has made me realise things about people. You then look back at some of their behaviour and realise they didn't have your best interests at heart whatsoever. I know it's a bit of navel gazing but after lockdown I am just not going to try any more, not with people who don't matter. I wouldn't mind but this friend has been round to ours several times but interestingly has declined invitations, one literally as she was about to come round because family suddenly appeared from nowhere. Another for a dinner party invite. Another for drives out in the car as she lives on her own, is older and has no car. But the confusing thing was she was engaged about it, and telling me what she would bring to the cocktail party I was having.
I realise that some people don't put as much emphasis on friendship as I do... like being on time and doing what you will say or being honest too about your feelings. I am, what you call, an empath which means that I soak up a lot of energy from other people, positive and negative so I am going to tune in my antennae much more carefully and make sure I can learn from this whole experience.
A Moodscope member.