Standing Alone

Friday December 27, 2019

I have always said: "I would rather be rejected for being real than accepted for the games I play."

Recently I was cyber-slandered in the midst of a deep depression and discovered a gift in two of my labels. Several actually. When you are in the depths of a "life sucks," cycle, and energy is low, one more straw doesn't break the camel's back. One more brick in the proverbial packsack is not that much heavier a load. And when I am in the fog I am not rushing around breaking things; another blessing.

Years ago, before the internet, people used to say: "Well, if they are talking about you they are leaving everyone else alone." As if that helps! And while everyone readily agrees there are two sides to every story and that a lot of things are not as they appear, they accept one sided appearances and run with them.

In Canada, the moment someone talks to the police, a file and a number are created. So the tale about me came complete with a file number, making it believable. I had cleaned a house and hauled away the garbage as directed. Now there were items missing and I was the alleged thief.

A symptom of PTSD is to always feel distant from everyone to some degree and now I welcomed the feature. Social media opinions could be whatever they were about me, whoop whoop! I know who I am and what I am. It is different and distant from the story she made up. There is a wonderful book out there entitled "What you think of me is none of my business." I want that as my next bumper sticker.

While disappointed yet again in the human nature around me that laps up negative 'information', I chose to use it as a vehicle to become better than I have been and let opinions fall where they may. The next item of drama will arrive, and my social media account won't even exist to help circulate it.

I don't last long on Facebook nor do my brief accounts. I long for the day it loses its pathological power, it's so called validity as a narration for narcissists. It is nothing but another tabloid in a world where the truth is once again subjective to perception. The best lie has some truth to it and I daresay the most skilled liar knows to use some element of truth.

I would rather stand alone than sit in the company of the fickle and the flippant. At least I can trust me to be exactly what I am; what you see is what you get: dark shadows around my eyes from oversleeping and mentally ill from both environmental and biological factors. A house cleaner, not a petty crook. Rigorously honest with myself, my higher power, and my Moodscope friends. You.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to leave a comment below.


Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 13 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.