What if everything that happens to us has a positive intent? I don’t really believe this means ‘everything’ but I’m up for believing that most things that happen to us happen because we’re trying to solve a problem. Our bodies and minds are particularly good at alerting us to the fact that all may not be well.

Many of the problems we have tried to solve were perplexing for us as children – way before we had the language to reason logically. Nevertheless, we made decisions that have influenced our mood, reactions, and emotions ever since. There are many reactions that go unchallenged because we’ve already come up with a strategy at a threshold below the level of consciousness – ie: when we were too young to know better.

A good therapist will help us dig below that threshold of consciousness and uncover limiting beliefs, behaviours, and dispositions that are no longer serving us. They were formed with good intent.

Good therapists are expensive (and worth every pound). However, if, like me, you can’t afford one, I’d like to introduce you to a really unpopular, strange friend of mine: Disillusionment.

Disillusionment is about as popular as a cold sore at a kissing contest. But Disillusionment is a friend – even if well disguised. Disillusion – the verb – means to be free from an illusion. The same may be said of becoming free from a delusion. Whether you’re disillusioned about an illusion or delusion, the point is you are getting closer to the ‘truth’. Something isn’t working that you believed should work. Something ‘isn’t’ the way you think it should ‘be’. One definition of ‘Disillusion’ says it is, “The act or process of disenchanting or freeing from a false belief.”

Let’s imagine that the younger you (who could be you at 4 years of age, or you at 40 years of age) has bought into a belief. If that belief is ‘true’ – there should be outcomes in line with its promises – signs of its veracity. However, if you find yourself in doubt. A powerful question is, “What has to be true for this to happen?”  If it’s NOT happening, you may have assigned the wrong ‘truth’ to the desired outcome!

What, if anything, are you feeling disillusioned by or about at the moment? I was really touched by Val’s blog on ‘Toxic Positivity’. I reckon my younger self has bought into a whole lot of untruth. This includes CBT, and MASSIVE elements of my belief-system. Probably for the first time in my life, I’m beginning to see ‘Disillusionment’ as my ‘Stranger Friend’ who is showing me that my foundations may be very unstable.

I’m not going to pretend this is a pleasant process – it most certainly isn’t – but it may be an act of kindness and compassion leading to true freedom. So, I repeat, what would have to be true for you to get the outcomes you really desire?

Yeah, I know this is a blog where you’re going to have to think, hard.

Lex 

A Moodscope member