I am probably going through the biggest change in my life. Moving from UK to France was pretty stressful, but we did not have to clear the UK property as son and his wife taking over, and there were two of us to share the responsibility of paper work and decisions, and two sons, one to drive the lorry one to deal with the French. Only the cat was seriously upset, and she took it out on the neighbour’s cat when we got here.

The equation above arises because for the last five days I have had to be very active with acute back ache. Consistent pain makes one tired and irritable. The cause of the pain led to the hostility. I might add that neither emotion have ever raised more than ‘a little’ on my Moodscope tests. I have had a lady who has given invaluable help, only available because her life is in a mess. She has something wrong with her all the time, heart, knees, strained this and that, and a bad back. She had got under my skin by making me guilty  as she says she is poverty stricken. Sunday I gave her some small items of furniture. Her back? Not a sign as she virtually skipped up and down stairs with her gains. I thought ‘oh poor lady, her back’, so I helped out. I have serious back problems, was very physically active, don’t how many stairs I climbed that week-end. Anyway, I suffered for my kindness, and have had a painful few days. Hostility then stepped in, she knew I had a busy week, I am quite a bit older, no suggestion of getting help or that carrying furniture was bad for me. 

I had a ‘run-in’ with a maddening lady, whose evenings are spent deliberately getting drunk, you have to be very wary of her temper. She had dumped stuff on me years ago, I tried desperately to get her to take it away, she never replies. Eventually I got hold of her through a third party. I had sold some stuff for a pittance. She turned up, said it was not hers, I had no right to sell it. She got very abusive and aggressive, thought I might have to call for help, but got her out of the house. Now I AM hostile, she is toxic, notoriously. What I hate is that these people raise hostility in me, and it is NOT  my nature. So, the circle. If I did not have to clear the house, her stuff would have stayed here for ever. If I was not stressed, she would only annoy me. Writing this, still aching, my neighbour across the road has just gone out. She is utterly thoughtless, very noisy, and bangs her car doors so hard my windows shake. I don’t think she has done a neighbourly thing since she has lived here. So, hopefully, the current vicious circle will come to an end. 

The Gardener

A Moodscope member