I have been told I am my own worst enemy. Although it was unsolicited advice I wonder if sometimes it is true...

Two Christmases ago I was invited to spend Christmas with my male first cousin and his family. When it came time to exchange gifts, they accepted mine with an aura of entitlement it seemed while making excuses like; "your gift isn't ready yet." And then proceeded to offer nothing more, not even a card. I felt hurt because they knew I had been working on unique gifts for their 3 children months in advance. I gave the adults copies of my recorded music as well as contributed to the meal. (It was not about gifts so much as the blatant rudeness of inviting someone for a gift-based holiday and allowing them to go all out for them knowing they would not be making any effort). 

Over the last year I considered whether or not to cut them out of my life after my first cousin made a very cutting remark to me via text over me texting him when he was busy. The remark was just days after the Christmas celebration and it actually kind of traumatised me. (I have Complex PTSD). 

I considered cutting him and his family out of my life then but stopped myself and his wife smoothed it over. Last Christmas he acted up again, made changes to agreed upon plans and then insisted I show up regardless, claiming I was letting his kids down when in reality I was being radically disrespected again and treated like a mere commodity. I blew up at him and then blocked him. He is cut out of my life now and so are his children and his ex wife. (They had separated last Thanksgiving with my now "ex-cousin," facing criminal charges along the domestic abuse lines).

I need to respect myself more by not letting people disrespect me a second time, is what I learned. There is a saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. "Fool me twice, shame on me." Also: "Never let the same snake bite you twice."

I am struggling with a round of depression and have resolved that although depression does come and go for me; to stay away from things that trigger it. Especially, use-ive, toxic, and abusive people. 

Bailey

A Moodscope member