"People will forget what you said, they will forget what you wore and what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel." My healthcare instructor said this often.
One of the many counsellors on my journey insisted; "We choose our thoughts, we choose our feelings, and we choose our behavior as a result of those thoughts and feelings." Hence no one can make you feel anything you don't choose to feel.
How many times have I heard; "You make me so angry" in abusive relationships and in other conversations; "That made me sad, makes me happy. "
The thought of choosing my feelings is both a scary and empowering feat. To choose means to be absolutely in control and no longer a victim of my emotions.
"Anger is a secondary emotion used to cover initial responses such as fear or pain" said my textbook in counsellor training. Does that mean we are so skilled we actually select several feelings in rapid succession?! It must be so, because according to the above theories no one can make you experience an emotion without your permission.
So I am learning at my ripe old age of forty one to take more control instead of being driven by my moods. When I tell of an upsetting event I say things like; "So and so helped me feel really hurt by... " Or; "That occurrence triggered my anger... "
Even more fascinating is answering the question; "What else was I feeling when I got so mad?" There is always another layer of emotion to be discovered.
No one has the power to make me feel anything anymore - they can effectively declare me a pet rock. How awesome is that.
A Moodscope member.