Last week I wrote to say I had plummeted. It felt that a huge foot had appeared over my head and proceeded to slowly press down until I was squashed. That is if I was in a comic strip! It’s far from funny but it is how I’ve been viewing my current and thoroughly unexpected episode of depression. I haven’t had this type of feeling for a long while, years in fact. You sent such encouraging notes on the blogspot. I really do thank you. I had no spare energy to reply and I have no spare energy to be able to be much of a support to anybody else right now (outwith parenting), but I hope it won’t be long before I can return the favour. I read and wept and sent out thanks into the ether.
So here is the good, the bad and the warty.
The Good – after avoiding it for 2.5 years, Covid caught me. (Firstly, thank you vaccines!) Why is this good? Because it has made me feel terrible. Really yucky. And I think this is good because, whilst it is not fun, I have a theory that as my body wages war on this virus it will also wage war on my depression. I am feeling a little better today as I write (but exhausted from not even a quarter of the effort I would usually exert) and I will wait to see.
The Bad – the greyness. You will know it. The feeling of being inside a bubble and seeing everything going on outside but being unable to hear it, touch it, taste it, smell it or even see it in the way you would normally.
The Warty – I discovered I have a verruca on the sole of my foot. I’m ok with this. I’m reminded that these are caused by a virus lying dormant and then raising its head. So it is another physical reminder that something is awry and can be fixed. I needed the validation.
Oh for a reset button. How magical would that be? For now, I hope you are all ok, keep plodding and I send out my best to you.
The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.
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