7

June

The (second?) hardest thing

Tuesday June 7, 2022


So, I’m catching up on capturing thoughts – and this blog post goes all the way back to Mary’s thoughts about the difficulty of asking for help (10 November 2021) when struggling with depressive (bipolar) episodes.
 
I was going to add a “Me too” comment at the time, then thought - being up - I had so much to say that I added “Write a blog” to my endless, never finished to do list.
 
So here I am, over six months later, contemplating Mary’s point that “Those of us who live with bipolar disorder know the cycle of ups and downs will repeat” – except, I struggle in every phase of up and down with acknowledging I have a repeating, on-going problem, let alone asking for help.
 
When I am down, its much clearer that things are not right as I struggle to get out of bed, let alone engage with life at home or in work. But each time I come out of a slump, I think “That will be the last time”.
 
So I go from down to up - or ‘over well’ - with little normal time between the two states. And what’s wrong with being over well, very productive , charming and talkative - to quote Bipolar UK’s mood scale on hypomania. (https://bit.ly/38JDQzw)
 
Well, if you talk to my partner, they will tell you exactly what is wrong with doing too much. It means having high (unrealistic?) ambitions, a sense of being able to do everything, not asking for help or sharing the load, and probably fuelling the next crash.
 
It’s hard to know what help would look like when I am up – but before I get to Mary’s issue of asking for help, I have to publicly acknowledge I have a problem.
 
So how much do you share or hide your problems, and what gets in the way of you asking for help with them?
 
Best

Guy
A Moodscope member.

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