I was reading the other day about the six good doctors we need in our lives to stay healthy. As I was reading through the list it occurred to me that these six doctors are particularly applicable to our mental health. They are:

·       Fresh air and sunshine

·       Exercise

·       A good diet

·       Sleep

·       Friends/community

·       A Purpose in life

Looking down this list it’s easy to nod wisely and then move on, but it’s worth taking the time to evaluate all these things and see how our lives measure up. This week: Friends and Community.

Where would we be without friends? I think the answer is that we would be in a very sad and lonely place.

I saw this morning on Facebook a post by a friend of mine. Happy Anniversary, she said: 22 years of marriage to my best friend. I thought that was lovely but, I’d argue, even if our spouse is our best friend, we still need others.

Friends come in many varieties. I like the adage, friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for life. The first tend to come and go. When I think of friends who have drifted away, or from whom I have drifted away, I always feel a little sad. I faithfully write my Christmas cards to keep in touch with some of them, but we no longer meet. I am rather a fan of the round robin newsletters at Christmas; it helps me feel a little more connected to these people. Certainly, it feels as if one could suggest meeting up for coffee if in their area.

Friends for a reason may be workmates, or fellow mothers at the school gate. Once we have left the job, or our children have grown beyond the stage of needing to be greeted at the end of the school day, the friendships naturally wither and die, because they weren’t deeply rooted.

There are exceptions to this. My friend Rachel and I met at the school gate. Our children are now at university, but Rachel and I have remained friends and belong to the same book club. I have two friends I worked with nearly thirty years ago. We scattered to the ends of the country but still meet up once or twice a year. These are cases where friends for a reason became friends for life. My very best friend is someone I met at school 49 years ago; definitely a friend for life.

Some people are better at keeping up with old friends, of course, and some people find it more difficult to meet and make friends in the first place, but all of us need at least one or two good friends; friends you enjoy spending time with and who you can call on in an emergency and know they will be there for you.

Old age brings its own friendship issues, when you can no longer get out and meet up or when you outlive all your old friends. When my parents-in-law moved into a care home, they had the chance to make new friends there. Sadly, neither of them took advantage of this opportunity and remained, isolated, in their rooms.

Community is a slightly different thing – it involves a wider social group rather than individuals. I am lucky enough to live in a cul de sac where we all know our neighbours and hold an annual summer barbeque and Christmas Eve party. Like the old Australian soap opera, neighbours have become friends. My church has its own community and I belong to a close friendship group on Facebook. Sometimes, electronic communities can be even more real than physical ones.

Our mental health, I suggest, is dependant upon friends and community. Without these things, feelings of isolation and depression are inevitable for even the most introverted of us.

Who are your friends and what is your community, and how would you say they support your mental health?

Mary

A Moodscope member