My awareness of being depressed only occurred in the first part of this year, but I look back and wonder just how long I have been living in a depressed state.
In February I found myself contacting a Counsellor and nervously attending a session. I was in a very unhappy place in my relationship and had been for a number of years, I needed to work out what to do about it.
Prior to attending the session I was petrified that the counsellor would think I was wasting their time, that there wasn't really a problem, that I should deal with things.
I have lived with an addict for 18 years and, having tried numerous ways to 'cure' the addiction I had reached a point of realisation that I was helpless to change my partner. My way of coping over the past few years has been to shut down my emotions completely.
I cried my way through that first session, and then the next, and then the next. I was handed a checklist which I duly completed and it was suggested to me that I speak to my GP about depression. My initial reaction was defensive, I am not depressed, it can't happen to someone like me. I work with people with mental health issues, I work with people with addictions, I work in a very challenging role.
And yet here I was, living with an addict and in denial about my life and my own depression. I felt a complete failure and was adamant I was not depressed.
But then I thought back to my childhood, living with a mum who was severely depressed, and vowing that if I ever was I would do something about it. So here I am, taking action to do just that.
A Moodscope member.