19

December


Resilience is something we can imagine we don’t have, especially when we are feeling down. But I think we are much more resilient than we often give ourselves credit for. And that recognising it, is halfway to pointing the dial at feeling proud of ourselves.   
 
I don’t feel proud at the moment. I have been having vicious thoughts about my mother who has sword swiped me yet again. She does it in the worst way, subtly, like a punch in the ribs so the bruises won’t show to anybody. I realised quite late on in my life that she, for some reason, competes with me. I don’t compete with her. I spent so long bow-towing to her every demand that, when I realised it was not normal, I felt myself let go of her like a child lets go of a balloon. I followed her with my eyes but realised I could never go back. I find it very sad. But, I have my own family now, I parent very differently, and I simply don’t have anything in me yet to forgive this continuing abhorrent behaviour. I will work on that. 
 
In the meantime, I return to what I said at the start. We are more resilient than we think. Today I have decided that, instead of festering over her behaviour (which is what I am drawn to), I will be more Tigger. Find a steady, reassuring thunk as I do my bouncing job well. I can bounce. I am resilient. I am Tigger. We can bounce. We are resilient. We are all Tigger! 
 
We bounce and therefore we will not break. 
 
Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

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