have noticed that after people have had a big argument with their partner, family member or a friend, they either choose to sweep it under the carpet and never talk about the disagreement again or they want to endlessly examine what was said, who said what etc.

Some see resolution of conflict as being necessary more than a feeling of peace. I grew up with loving parents who loved to argue so much that when I had relationships, I thought arguing was the way to show love. I soon realised I wanted peace at any cost. However, I find after an emotionally charged argument when it has been swept under the carpet and put in the rubbish bin, I am too nervous to bring up the conversation again and am frustrated I can’t talk about the topic again.

The skill to resolve conflict instead of ignoring it is very useful. By brushing things under the carpet we forbid ourselves and others from sharing how they feel. People need to be able to vent in a healthy way.

If you have an ongoing issue with someone you are in constant contact with (spouse, relative, co-worker) and saying, “Oh I just need to get over it”,  this may only harm yourself. others ignore your feelings. Pretending is not resolving. Some things happen that need discussion. It may be easier to just act like it never happened. Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. 

Negative situations may cause negative emotions. Thoughts of bitterness, new and deep fears take hold. Some say it is better to work things out than let them fester.

What is your approach? To sweep under the carpet or to try to resolve things through respectful discussion or another approach?

Leah 

A Moodscope member