There was recent discussion on Moodscope about the role of optimistic thinking in dealing with misery.

My own experience is that adopting a so-called ‘silver lining’ approach only works for those who are naturally that way inclined. For the rest of us it seems false, and any benefits wear off pretty quickly.

It is often said that it is purely down to how we react to disasters that determines the outcome. That there is no tragedy that cannot be overcome with a different perspective. You only have to think of the poor souls being herded into the gas chambers to see what utter nonsense that is.

For me, I actually find that one thing that does seem to help is giving in to the despair and misery. If I can wallow in peace without some Pollyanna trying to make me buck up and count my blessings, I actually start to bore myself, and my mood begins to lift.

The title of this blog comes from the latest broadcast of All in the Mind (BBC Radio 4) I had not heard the expression before, but it apparently has made it into medical jargon now. I did read a very good book some years ago called Smile or Die. The writer had personal experience of well-meaning efforts to rouse her fighting spirit.

I used to buy an American satirical magazine called The Onion, and they did a spoof article that sums this up. "Local man who was too cowardly to fight cancer has died". 

The psychologist on the radio programme made the point that those who make ‘encouraging’ statements are actually avoiding their own fear and discomfort, trying to make light of the situation. 

I was in a dire situation years ago, which I briefly described to a casual friend who enquired how things were. His response “Into each life a little rain must fall" made me feel like slapping him, yet he was a kindly person.

I have made this same mistake in the past, and I cringe when I think of the ‘kind’ things I have trotted out. I now say “This is just terrible for you, is there anything I can help with?". 

Thinking of those worse off than yourself seems like a good tactic, and it can indeed jolt you briefly. In my case it often just serves as a reminder of what a truly pathetic creature I have let myself become. Not great for self-respect.

I don't think that struggling to always look on the bright side is wrong, it is often simply unrealistic. People who are ill with cancer for example surely have enough to contend with without the added burden of trying to ‘beat the disease’. 

The panel on the radio agreed that Covid had made matters far worse regarding toxic positivity, and I tend to agree. A friend who is a retired history professor debunks many of the stories we are told about the universal WW2 Dunkirk spirit that we feel the later generations lack. People have always felt wretched and helpless in the face of crisis.’Fighting spirit’ is another way of saying what choice did they have? 

I like  Lee Child's Jack Reacher character. His philosophy is "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". That seems pretty wise to me.

Val

A Moodscope member