Is the answer to everything to trust your senses and do what feels right?

I find the opposite. When I was first diagnosed as having a problem with my mental health, I was in denial. I was terrified of being handed over to the doctor chosen by my employers. I felt like a Jew in the hands of Nazi doctors! (In hindsight, the ready way these analogies came to my mind, as someone in modern Britain probably were further evidence that all was not well.) It was my brother who persuaded me the feelings were irrational and it made sense to have a consultation.

When I first went on medication, I remember the moment. Sitting in a café, carefully reading through all the disclaimers, wondering if this was a moment of no return as I popped my first pill. Would they make any difference?

Four years on, I still don't know. Each time I tell the doctor I want to come off them, he/she (there have been several) cautions me against it. Certainly, they say, do not try it in the run up to winter.

I am now much more open about my feelings. But trust them? Personally, I cannot let them have the final word. When I was considering getting married 20 years ago, I fought tooth and nail against the commitment. It was only friends who helped me see my irrationality.

Having proposed, and been accepted, I have never looked back and consider myself the luckiest man in the world. She is one in a million.

When I thought I should carry on with work and refuse help, friends gently said I was making a mistake.

When I thought I was not nearly well enough to return to work, the doctor gently said that it would be a key part of my rehabilitation, so long as it was a staged return. I trusted him and he was right.

So can I trust my feelings? Not entirely. I have learnt to be more open, but I have learnt it is not wise to base all my decisions on them alone.

Zenas

A Moodscope member.