So… I got bad news on the work front. It involves a passion project I was hoping to receive funding for and ultimately, between the jigs and the reels, I was shortlisted but… rejected. Oh yes, the dreaded R word.  Rejection does not sit well with me. It gets into my head, my soul, my heart and it gnaws away at my ego and self-belief. It sucks the positivity and wishful thinking right out of me. Because, truth is, I am an optimist. 

They say ‘visualise your dreams’ as if your dreams have already materialised and I do. I visualise, I imagine, I day-dream. I invent all sorts of upbeat stories and successful scenarios in my head. I am that woman who used to conduct articulate, amusing and downright fascinating (imaginary!) celebrity interviews - with my hairbrush as a microphone!

I work in a business where there is plenty of rejection. We all know 'it’s not personal’. It’s just the way it is. You win some, you lose some, you dust yourself off and get on with it. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Try harder. Keep on believing. Never give up. We all know these mantras. And usually, usually they work. The disappointment passes, the battered self-esteem heals and onwards I go… except this time, I sank.

I sank for longer than I usually do. I lifted my head up a few times but then, I sank a little further. 

The result is I have been asking myself some difficult questions:

- What am I doing with my life? (A nice simple one to start!)

- Is my career going in the direction I want? 

- Do I know the direction I want it to go? 

- How much rejection can one career take? 

- Should I take a different path? 

- If I had the enthusiasm and the energy, is it honestly too late for me to attempt a different path?

Have any Moodscopers arrived at a crossroads career-wise where you felt a bit stuck? I don’t want to admonish myself for past mistakes or roads not taken up to now. But how do we dust ourselves off when we feel we’ve had one knock too many? 

Also, isn’t it interesting how a work disappointment can affect all areas of our lives, including (especially?) our mental health? 

And here’s another question to ponder (I’m all about the pondering today!): 

- Does a time arrive in life when our career just isn’t that important anymore? When other priorities take over, is that okay or is that just plain darn defeatist?

I don’t want to let go of my ambition but I also don’t want to grasp it so tightly that it becomes the be-all and end-all. Because we know it’s not. Our loved ones, family relationships, friendships, good health, peace & calm, enjoying a gentler life - these are the true priorities. 

But you see, I’m still a day-dreamer at heart. So, the ambition continues to bubble. My optimism has been dented and is far less sparkly for sure but there’s still a shine, there's still a glimmer of hope… 

Onwards we go…

Salt Water Mum x

A Moodscope member