I've been quiet on Moodscope for a while, not because of illness, but actually because I've had a period of good health.
So when my current period of illness arrived rather unexpectedly, it took me by surprise. It has come on slowly, just as work has quietend down and the school holidays arrived. Instead of being happy, my mood has nosedived and anxiety rocketed.
I'm torn between fighting this depression, keeping my very British stiff upper lip, or feeling it, owning it and giving in to 'it', whatever 'it' is. This might even mean taking time off work which is definitely not part of my plan.
In the spirit of self-care, I am trying to keep going and to keep to a routine. The dog has been walked, I have met up with a friend for a Balti and cheerily engaged in conversation with fellow dog walkers, despite feeling bloody awful (with apologies to those who object to swearing!)
Melanie recently blogged about how you can tell yourself you feel something but also tell yourself that this doesn't mean that you ARE that feeling (Feeling my feelings, 21st August). So....I may feel awful but I am not awful, for example.
I feel like I am drowning but I am not drowning because I know that I can swim. I need buoyancy aids (medication, decent food, exercise, a good friend) but I know that eventually I will swim through this rather murky, cold sea and find a calm lake where I can rest. (Psalm 23 comes to mind for those of a religious persuasion...)
I hope that whatever you are feeling today you can take comfort from the fact that there are others feeling it to and that you are part of a Moodscope community that genuinely cares about your wellbeing.
So I send a friendly wave from this part of the world...
A Moodscope member.