This week I have just returned from Spain where I was robbed of all my treasured possessions – lap top, passport, credit cards, dead parents photos, loved ones photos, all business contacts, my glasses (so I could not even read at the police station), all passwords, all contacts, all bank cards, my diary, treasured notes (all kept in one safe place)...everything that enabled my life to work.

So here I am back in the UK having to face up to the fact that not only do I live alone, I also run my own business on all the stuff I write about – leadership, values, trust the four quotients (PQ, IQ, EQ & SQ, To Live, To Love, To Learn, To Leave a Legacy).

Now as most of you will know I have also suffered from depression for the last 23 years except one, with one suicide attempt.

My immediate worry was not about losing my 'normal' every day personal and professional life, but would I go down again and with such a loss, would I lose myself again and see more 'clearly' that I didn't have the courage and strength to fight back again from this new and deeper 'low'?

So, once again while I am still mentally 'OK' I have a choice, do I look back and continually say what if? Or do I push those thoughts away, as I talked about in my blog some time ago about not becoming attached to these thoughts, and simply put the first appointment I can remember into my totally blank diary and step forward?

Also, going through my divorce has continued to challenge what I consider important, i.e. no matter what it costs I must do it based on my values, we should not give in to bullying, lies and deceit.

I also ask myself what am I teaching my son in all this?

Do I tell my son or daughter that I will always listen to them and then when I am busy, say sharply to "go away I'm busy"?

The differences between what you say and what you do creates the exact and equal level of disengagement with you, whether at home, work or play.

What's your level of disengagement with self and others?

Do you walk the talk of the values you purport to have? If not – you are disengaging from yourself – the cause of much mental illness.

Give a number between 0 – 10. For full engagement (10) or complete disengagement (0) to yourself, your boss, your peers, your family...simply think of the person and the number WILL appear immediately in your head.

That FIRST number is true, no matter how uncomfortable it is, your subconscious tells you the truth (EQ), often before you attempt to 'alter' it by thinking (IQ) why it cannot be that number!

If you wish to deepen that engagement of love, talk about that number and why with whoever it is?

Remember though, the only person you can change is yourself.

You may however be changing to be courageous enough and vulnerable enough to simply talk about tough stuff to people who matter. If you don't face it, do they matter?

All else, like my passport, bank cards, credit cards, diary, lost phots, lap top, notes is surface stuff, it is the relationship to ourselves first, in valuing ourselves that is the basis for a healthier mind and heart.

And in this materialistic, busyness, short term world, that is not easy, and right now I am searching inside.

Les

A Moodscope member.