I watched my Moodscope scores plummet as I got more and more nervous in the weeks before the holiday. My son has a word, ‘nervecitement’, to describe that strange mix of fear and enjoyment that comes with a disrupted routine, the start of something new, challenging, wanted and yet…

I love skiing and I love being in the mountains. The scale of the scenery, the indifferent grandeur of nature, the way things just ‘are’ and how tiny I am in comparison, just seems to lift my spirits. I have wanted to ski tour (climbing up on skis, as well as skiing down) since I first heard about it years ago. It was 6 years in the making, but I have just got back from my weeklong trip. 

I appreciate that this is a niche activity, and certainly a privileged one, and I accept the accompanying guilt around emitting carbon for pleasure. It was such a long while in the making as I had to acquire certain skills and equipment. Once I’d learnt to ski uphill on skis I discovered there were other things to learn before I could get where I wanted to go. Being able to cope with off piste snow was one, and then dealing with an increasing fear of heights - a very specific block to me being able to do this kind of thing. But as I identified what I needed, it became apparent I could be taught. Learning was hard work, but confidence building. It was also revealing, as part of my fear of heights turned out to be a fear of abandonment when I looked hard at it. Losing that ‘tummy flip’ at big drops was one of the most astonishing and liberating feelings in my life. (‘The Chimp Paradox’ played a big part, but only because I was introduced to it by some very skilled teachers). These people who taught me along the way were enthusiasts, great communicators and very kind and encouraging. There is no way I could have done it without them. 

Now I’m home, I am revelling in my achievement. Allowing myself to be proud is quite an unusual feeling. I look at my photos, show people my photos, and simply glow. It was well worth the dip in my Moodscope scores beforehand.

So my questions today are… What do you want to do? What do you need to be able to do it? Who are you going to be helped by? There are teachers, enthusiasts, kind and encouraging people out there if we are willing to look, and to ask.

Reader Writer

A Moodscope member