I am writing a blog for Moodscope because I feel good today.

I am not bipolar or at least I don't think I am and I have never sought any diagnosis for my depression apart from visiting the doctor every now and again when it gets really bad. I have been on anti depressants and sleeping tablets over the years for varying periods.

I have always assumed my low moods and are directly related to lack of deep sleep and when I have a good night and wake up feeling refreshed, then I know I'll have a good day like this one.

However, after reading the blogs and comments here on this page, I am slowly thinking that maybe the personality I was born with and which was shaped further by my upbringing and experiences, has a lot to do with my depressed state.

Maybe I am not depressed but just normal for me!

I have often said I don't know what normal is for me anymore.

It's like one doesn't know what a normal weight is in this body obsessed era. We know what obese looks like and we know what anorexia looks like but with so many pictures of celebs around, and so much advice on diets, how do we really know if our weight and appearance is normal?

In the same way I feel that our day to day feelings and moods may be actually a part of us, rather than something we should fight against and try to cure. We don't know anymore what a normal personality is. Well speaking for myself, I don't!

I don't know where my highs came from but I do know when they started. I also know that my lows or that's how I have perceived them for years, have always been with me. When I was younger, I was just the same as now (without the highs) but didn't consider myself depressed. Neither did anyone else who knew me

Today's society is very much in your face where if your face fits, you will succeed and be popular. But there are millions out there who live life not succumbing to pressure from society and are just themselves. I tried to make my face fit but sadly or perhaps happily, it never has. I don't like to conform and found it impossible to do so.

I am trying now just to be myself and not fight my depression. It's not a battle but an acceptance. I am not sure if this is going to work. But nothing has worked so far so I am hoping this new approach might be the answer. I am hoping the occasional high will disappear even though I love them. But they are not normal for me. Complicated eh?

Do you think you could be more accepting of your lovely kind selves too?

Julia

A Moodscope member.