When my Mum died in 2018, a new chapter (if that's the right word) began in my life. The house was mine anyway, as were the contents. I had some ideas in my head about what I was going to do with the house. I could reorganise, redecorate or even move.  However it never seemed to happen.                                            

A few months after Mum died, I did attempt to sort out some clothes, but felt that I had been punched in the stomach. I remember talking to my neighbour about this and he said, Viv, take your time, don't hurry things. It's only you in the house and nobody will expect you to change things immediately. He explained, his wife had died some years previously and he was still sorting out her clothes and belongings.                                                                     

Now I find, 5 years on, and there has not been much change. Every so often I will sort out a drawer or start on a cupboard, but it doesn't always get completed. It's almost as if something is stopping me doing it though I don't know why.                                                                                                                                               

There are things that I have had done, such as minor repairs to the property but I always find it a challenge to know where to start. Mum had a sewing machine – it's on my to do list to get it overhauled/repaired so that I can use it for basic repairs. I did ask one of my sisters, an accomplished needlewoman, if she could give me some advice or help regarding a repair that I was hoping to do. Her reply ' Oh go on YouTube, I'm sure you will find the information you need!' Needless to say, I haven't asked her again. As for repairs in and around the house, I've started to use Check-a-trade. Yes, it maybe more expensive, but I do feel that there is some fall back if things should go wrong.  Even now, if I see something that needs doing, for example, a carpet needs cleaning or replacing, or there is peeling wallpaper (not a lot but enough for me to notice) I just tend to ignore it. I wonder why? Maybe it's me. I don't know.                     

At the moment I just feel that I can't be bothered. Yes, I know I live on my own, so I've only myself that I need to worry about but then I end up guilt tripping myself about things not getting done. I did wonder if it was down to the 'festive season' but I don't feel it is, because this is how I've been for quite a while.  So what is wrong with me? Will it get better? Any ideas fellow Moodscopers. 

Viv 

A Moodscope member