This is another bit of re-cycling, from 1980. But it has a distinct bearing on Oldie but Goldie’s blog of 16th November on Psychometric tests, management fads and directors pet projects. He did not mention another favourite torture/boredom/waste of money but de rigeur – ‘THE CONFERENCE’. This is a cynical look at one.

I have never done a head count, but I am sure ladies are in a minority at the BGLA conference (Horticulturists). They are confined, generally, to assisting with the organisation, helping to man (or woman) stands and accompanying delegates who may also be their husbands. The men are there to give papers, gossip, do business, get away from the farm, chair sessions and generally help to put British horticulture on the map. What’s in it for the ladies?

Me, I’ve got plenty to do. At the exhibition I blackmail suppliers who are at their most vulnerable and will promise anything to get me off their stand. I continue my private guide to cocktail parties, giving star rating to those I attend so I know which invitations to accept next year. I also keep in practice my small amount of model training, giving the illusion of good balance, while nearly legless. I also collect material as ammunition for a later article. Time on the stands is challenging, you have to learn to prise more gentlemanly, drunker or wearier delegates off the available chairs.

I support my Chairman (not literally) whilst continuing to wonder at the resilience of Harrogate to change – it speaks volumes for the Harrogate Mayor and Corporation that they can run excellent modern conference facilities for a vast range of trades and still retain a genteel Victorian elegance. That’s me, what about the other ladies?

I have never attended a ‘Ladies’ Programme, thoughtfully provided by our Organiser. What do you do at a chocolate factory? Are there free samples? Is it like a wine tasting? Have they a system for visitors who come over queasy after nicking too many coffee creams? I have heard that York is delightful, dress of the day for a day in February? The Conference dinner is on a Wednesday, necessitating evening dress. Depending on your importance, notoriety or influential  possibilities there are the cocktail parties – two dresses at least. I rather fancy those little hats with veils, but chicken out at farming do’s. Formal luncheons with husband and conference speakers, smart day dress. Golf on the menu? Golf togs.

Then I wonder if any of the ladies ‘Take the waters’. A lovely expression – do the authorities have a notice ‘put them back for the next person?’ All in all ladies are going to set their husbands back a pretty penny – is that why we hear so much about ‘real’ incomes dropping at this time of the year? It should merit a few lines in the negotiation on farm incomes. Have any of you in your Company situation been forced to spend/waste days at a Conference and wonder at the money spent? (You might change your mind if the venue is Bermuda). 

The Gardener

A Moodscope member