Roses are red, violets are blue, I felt like killing myself what about you?

I remember those days so dark and sad, wondering whether I would ever feel any better?

Keeping the faith helped. Faith in myself that is; although this was very difficult, it's what I found helped me through the difficult times, that, and more particularly the support of a few close friends. Friends who never judged, just listened, just called on me and supported me. I had the faith in myself that I was a good person and I could get through this ‘Black Dog’, dealing with the problems that I had in my life, approaching the difficulties in a different way.

I sought professional help and ‘interviewed’ several phycologists/therapists before I settled on someone whom I felt I could work with. Someone I trusted with my most inner personal turmoil. I remember, very clearly, wondering how long, if ever, it would take to feel better, as it had taken many, many years of feeling so bad, to finally bring me down.

As it happens, it wasn’t an overnight recovery. It was more of a gradual progression. That’s where the faith in yourself comes in. You know who you are, inside; reach into your mind and just remind yourself who that is. The real you never goes away or really changes much. It just needs reminding that you know you are there, who you are.

On the road to recovery I came across an obstacle in the way; Lockdown number 1. I had to brake to avoid it. I guess I hadn’t serviced my brakes for a while and I skidded off the road into the ‘Black Dog’. Roses are red… no, not quite back to the beginning. Roses are red, violets are blue, though these are dark times, I will pull through. Remember, keep the faith.

I remembered, and started to deal with my problems approaching the difficulties in different ways, ways learnt through the therapy sessions and found myself back on my journey, eventually feeling stronger than I was before, before Lockdown 2! Fortunately my brakes were now much stronger and I don’t have much of a fear about this lockdown. I feel I can, and I am, handling it in a different way.

What’s the point? From despair to repair, takes time, effort, detours, breakdowns; takes faith in yourself (you), even when you don’t have that faith in yourself! Just start to believe in yourself, seek help, reach out.

Roses are red, yes, I know violets aren’t blue, the point is, I don’t mind quarantine when I’m with you!

Adrian

A Moodscope member.