When I had lost all hope

3 Mar 2022

I have been a Moodscoper (is that what we are?) since May 2011. I joined then didn’t take the test for a while, that while being 4 years. I got myself a buddy whom I have never met but has been an incredible support for me as I hope I have her. The support works. I feel we really “get each other”.

Having a lifetime history of depression I have bounced around with good periods balanced out with lows. I have worked and managed to bumble my way through life. Lockdown hit and like so many others I didn’t cope very well. Probably a bit of an understatement.

This time I didn’t bounce back and the depression continued. So from July to December 2021 I didn’t take my Moodscope test. I knew I was bad and certainly didn’t need the percentage confirming it!

Fast forward and I ended up in hospital with a broken ankle. I was still in a very, very dark place but I was so fortunate enough to be picked up by the system and was moved to the Priory. Although at the time I thought everybody was wasting their time with me. I know I am missing out a lot of the details here and I may come back to this in future blogs.

I was seen by an amazing doctor at the Priory who really cared when I had lost all hope. Looking at my long history of depression she prescribed Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) and the sessions began. I was incredibly scathing and didn’t see how anything would work but went along with it. So fast forward 10 weeks and 14 sessions I can honestly say that I have my life back and have never felt so well. I commented to the staff that “this s**t actually works”! Not sure they can use that in reviews of the service! Friends commented that they had never seen me looking so well. I have found out that each session costs £300-£400 so in the scale of things that’s not bad for transforming a life. I was lucky enough to have this treatment on the NHS. I think that this therapy still has a bad reputation thanks to films and the history it has. This needs to change!! I have spoken to people who thought it was illegal!

I’d be interested to know your thoughts and experiences of ECT.

I will now be flying the flag and banging on about not only Moodscope but ECT as well.

I still have my good and not so good days but that’s life and I can now cope with that. And, yes, I am now back to not only reading the blogs but making sure I aim to do my scores daily.

Here’s sending love to all my fellow Moodscopers wherever you are both emotionally and geographically.


A Moodscope member.

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