I have been a few situations over the years when I have not blurted out ‘you are wrong and here is why…’ and I have later felt pretty relieved at my restraint. The most recent involved me sitting at my kitchen table and being harangued by my brother on my [many] shortcomings. I did not respond in kind. I merely asked him if he were finished… and when he said ‘No’ I encouraged him to continue. When he finally finished I smiled and told him ‘thank you for your comments. May I say you are no longer welcome in my home.’

Now that was pretty extreme; and despite my seeming sang froid, I was shaking with fury. He was not to know though. 

Other instances are not so ‘full-on’ and could even be regarded as amusing… well; I think they were. 

One involved a Know It All teenager. He gleefully exclaimed ‘Eider Duck babies!’ on seeing some Moorhen chicks. I gently corrected ‘I think you’ll find they are Moorhen chicks’ He looked at me pityingly and said ‘Yes; many people get them confused’ Which left me speechless! I wish I had said nothing… but his response was perfect.

Another involved a distraught woman flagging us down on the deserted road into Keswick one Sunday night many years ago. She needed help. We stopped to help. She had run out of petrol; this was long ago. All petrol stations in the Lake District closed at 8pm. Her issue though, was not with lack of petrol. She and her boyfriend had parked at Kettlewell Carpark, and they were happy to stay all night. The issue was ‘How far up does the tide come?’

I am a Geography graduate. Jane a Geology graduate. We blinked at her. And Jane said carefully ‘It looks like you’ll be alright where you are parked’ I swallowed my lecture on the differences between seas and lakes in the UK. Silence was definitely better from me at that point.

My point is, to draw breath BEFORE responding can remove the fury. Can remove the need to drive in a knife under the ribs while screaming between gritted teeth ‘You F***ing moron!’ And helpfully saves you from a prison cell and leaves you in that marvellous of places The Moral High Ground. 

All too often in my life I’ve forgotten my own advice and become embroiled in that awful ‘he said, she said’ situation; where no-one really wins, as everyone is simply wrung out and exhausted… and likely feeling bad and bitter about it even decades later. 

The motto carpenters learn is great: ‘measure twice, cut once.’ As a TV character once said ‘for the longest time, I did it the other way round’ 

I try to take my own advice; breathe once [or twice] before responding in fury. And after seventy plus years, I think I am learning! 

What about you, Moodscopers; have you successfully remained Quiet and Calm; or not?

CMM

A Moodscope member