It's good to meet up with old friends, isn't it!
At least, it is sometimes. I remember the last "Reunion" I attended. I came away, having had a very pleasant evening and pleased I had caught up with the lives of people who I once knew well, and having enjoyed their company. Nonetheless, I also realised that I have stayed close to the people who really mattered and have no desire for renewed intimacy with the others. Basically, if you weren't best friends then, you are not going to be best friends now: people just don't change that much.
Exceptions do happen though.
This weekend I met up with old friends I have not seen since university days, some (ahem) thirty years ago. I had a long lunch with a girl I knew only slightly then (and yes, we are still girls, even though we are in our fifties). By some magic we were able to be open and vulnerable with each other in ways we had not expected, and never achieved then, and thus have, I believe, forged something new and deeper than we had all those years ago.
I shared an issue I have which had been bothering me for some time – and she shared a similar issue. It was the moment of bonding when, as C S Lewis says, friendship is formed in that moment of recognition: "What, you too? I thought I was the only one!"
My friend is further along the path of dealing with her issue than I, and she was gracious enough to share her experiences.
Towards the end of the conversation, when I was detailing, yet again, all the aspects and complications of the situation, she said, "Mary – you know what you have to do. Going through it all again, and yet again, is taking your energy. Your energy is too valuable to waste in this way. Take the action; be resolute; don't go back; don't listen to arguments; stand firm."
I realised she was right. Spending time and energy worrying about it, when I knew what I wanted to do – and needed to do – was taking energy away from what I do want to do and what I do need to do.
We have only finite resources. Every moment we spend worrying; delaying action because we will hurt or disappoint others, or because we will shut down potential future opportunities, or because we will say goodbye to unrealistic dreams, is a moment wasted; a moment we cannot spend on the real; on hopes and dreams we can make come true.
Oh, I'd be the first to swing on a moonbeam and to chase a dandelion wish, but those are beautiful day-dreams which feed the soul and help create art. But I don't want to pour my soul into a churning vacuum of negativity.
And I'm sure, neither do you.
So, yes, I've had that hard conversation and I'm walking forward. I feel lighter already.
A Moodscope member.