Why I'm comfortable with 0%.

Saturday October 15, 2016

When I began using Moodscope, back in 2012, I used it daily and diligently; I read the Post every day and, every day, I carefully and as honestly as I could, completed the Test. I annotated my results too. It created a sort of diary for me; a way of expressing for me my most troubled thoughts and my most vicious feelings. Reading them back, I am slightly shocked with how violent I felt then. There is no doubt in my mind, that Moodscope allowed me to a safe place to process my thoughts and off-load my terrors.

I cannot imagine I would even be here, had I not had that safety valve.

That particular crisis passed; as I have learned in my long enough life (I am 62) that most things do pass; if you can wait that long.

My need to off-load my agony reduced and I stopped taking the Test so regularly. Why did it tail off? The reasons are surprising, I think. I was shocked when my score showed anything above 50%. The highest score I achieved – 71% - was over 3 years ago. And I stopped taking the Test on that day. So high a score could not be "me". To be "me" I had to score consistently under 20%.

In these recent months, perhaps the last 18 months or so, I have occasionally done the Test. And have been approving of the result; a consistent 0%. I approve of this result; 0% is how I feel I am most of the time, inside.

To the outside world, I present a very different face; I am told I "glow with happiness"; that I have an "aura of joy"; my smile "lights up the world". People tell me I am a most nurturing and loving person, one of the most capable, consistent people they have ever met; that my "can do" approach leaves them reeling in awe. One person told me that in moving to this place, I had become one of the village's most important assets.

Which just goes to show that our private thoughts and our public personas can be poles apart.

And that both are equally valid.

So, that is how I use Moodscope, as a safety valve so my social face is on show most of the time... do you have a comfortable score?

A Moodscope member.

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